May is a great month for so many reasons: flowers are in bloom, semesters are coming to an end for students, we’re talking about mental health, and we’re masturbating with intention. Yes, May is also National Masturbation Month.
But masturbation isn’t something that’s discussed very often in most folks’ lives (or ever).
Actually, in thinking about how rarely I hear masturbation discussed outside of our store, almost all of the very few examples I came up with had to do with popular songs that mention or allude to the act. It makes a lot of sense: music and eroticism are deeply entwined for a lot of folks, and it only makes sense that they often reference each other.
So in honor of the month, we’ve put together a playlist dedicated to masturbation and some techniques and ideas for uniquely exciting masturbatory experiences. So grab your earphones if you’d like to follow along and let’s discuss.
Even when it is talked about openly, masturbation is still usually talked about as something we do when we can’t or don’t have a partner around for whatever reason. But in actually, masturbation can be enjoyed while a partner is away, or right beside you doing the same.
It can be beneficial to sometimes think of masturbation as just as exciting as sex with lover(s). The ultimate goal may be to say to yourself “sex with me so amazing”, and to fully believe it.
“Feeling Myself” is the ultimate confidence track and it has a place on our list as a reminder to truly take the opportunity to feel yourself, both physically and emotionally. Physically, this looks like being intentional with touch in order to truly feel your body. But to emotionally feel oneself is often another monster that maybe we haven’t quite been able to approach. Many of us have come to think of sex acts as requiring a certain type of “sexy” which tends to push us towards desiring an unattainable perfection. Ideally, we’d embrace silliness, awkwardness, imperfection, and the entire spectrum of emotions that come up in both partnered and solo sex.
Since we’re focusing on masturbation here, I’ll say this: yes, it is totally acceptable to put on a pair of cute underwear and pop your butt in the mirror.
“Feelin' myself, back off, cause I'm feelin' myself, jack off
He be thinking about me when he whacks off, wax on? Wax off”
This song was not just chosen for the singer’s sultry vocals, but for the song’s clear reminder: stay open. It’s easy to fall into a routine of using masturbation as a quick release that isn’t practiced intentionally or pleasurably, sometimes. I think we often forget that it doesn’t always have to be about unzipping jeans and opening legs. It can be exhilarating to open the mind in a new way. Ultimately, how we think about masturbation can affect the entire experience; starting off by thinking “I’ve got to get off but I only have 7 minutes” lends to an entire different experience than “I really just want to take the time to feel my own body”. Limited time, shame, and feelings of not deserving pleasure can all limit the enjoyability of self-love sessions.
So now that we’ve established the mind as a powerful tool for masturbation sessions, what else can we do with it? For a lot of folks, masturbation is an opportunity to slip into a world of fantasy. We can fantasize about an ideal lover, a room full of lovers, a specific scenario, or literally anything you choose to think up. It’s your brain, your body, and your experience and it’s alright to imagine all the “if”s. Letting the mind wander down the rabbit hole of sexual fantasy can be just that; fantasies may come up only once or maybe every so often. Or it could be in introduction to a personal desire that’s not yet been realized. Either way, Janet reminds us here that it’s alright to fantasize, even if it isn’t realistic or probable.
“If I was your girl, oh, the things I'd do to you
I'd make you call out my name, I'd ask who it belongs to
If I was your woman, the things I'd do to you
But I'm not, so I can't, then I won't, but if I was your girl”
5. “Soft and Wet” by Prince
If you’re familiar with our store, you’ll know how much we love lubricant. Because while mouths and vaginas (but not anuses) typically self-lubricate, it is usually a good idea to add some type of supplemental lubrication. But we tend to think of lube as only necessary for partnered, penetrative sex acts. But this doesn’t have to be the case, as lubricant can make any sensation (stroke/rub/grind/etc.) more pleasant and comfortable, regardless of your genital configuration or whether you’re using your hands, a toy, your bed, or playing with another body. Even if you’re self lubricating, longer sessions often call for some supplemental moisture. So don’t forget to keep the lube close by.
I’ve actually never actually heard of anyone complaining about someone being too wet. Even Prince’s breakout single alludes to the joys of moisture and pleasant sexual friction.
When we think about masturbation, a lot of times we think about stroking parts; terms like “jacking/jilling off”, “rubbing one out”, and “jerking it” all focus on acts that are done to the body manually, or by hand. This classic grinding song reminds us how fun it is to give the hand(s) a break and use the rest of the body for pleasure. Experiment with new textures, vibration, a masturbation sleeve, or even a consensual partner’s body and get those hips and abs moving. Incidentally, you may also get a nice core workout in the process. Sounds good to me.
While this track is the only one on the list that doesn’t directly relate to the topic of self-pleasure, we couldn’t resist including it for it’s very clear titular message: “don’t sweat the technique”. At the end of the day, how we choose to masturbate is totally up to us. Rather than worrying about what “should” feel good or even what normally feels good, take some time this month to experiment with new sensations and experiences.
And finally, the list’s bonus tracks. We couldn’t resist including these songs that either mention masturbation directly, or can assist in the mindset for an awesome experience.
11. “Jack U Off” by Prince
12. “Darling Nikki” by Prince
Enjoy a pleasurable Masturbation Month!