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Valentine's Day & Beyond: Oral Sex Skills

Posted by Secret Pleasures Boutique on 1/28/2020 to Ask A Sex Educator



Valentine’s Day can inspire adventure, passion and reconnection in the bedroom. Whether you’ve been with your Valentine’s day babe for one night or one thousand nights, bringing something a little different to the bedroom is important. When we think about spicing things up in our sex lives, we can easily find ourselves down a rabbit hole of trying to learn how to do bondage, googling how to have painless anal and even thinking about threesomes. All of these are incredibly hot ways to bring something a little different to the bedroom - but let’s start with the staples of oral sex. Your oral sex game can always get better, and here are a few simple ways to surprise your Valentine with upgraded oral sex skills:


Change it up

Do you always have oral sex in the same position? How about mixing up the location? Changing up the ambiance? :

  • Try having the receiver sit on a chair or on the edge of the bed - make sure your own knees are comfortable

  • Try putting a pillow underneath their lower back and see how the angle gives you access to their perineum (and anus!)

  • Explore oral sex in the shower

  • Make an oral sex playlist that makes you both get in the mood

  • Use a mirror so your partner can watch themselves being pleasured


Ask for feedback

We may shy away from giving our partners feedback during sex because we think they might feel rejected. In reality, giving feedback makes you both more responsive to each other’s desires and bodies. Direction can be gentle and simple. Try using binary questions while you’re giving a blow job or cunnlingus - ask ‘harder or softer?’ or ‘faster or slower’ or ‘right here or right there’. Questions with easy answers are an invitation for more communication from your receiver. 


Blindfold or restrain your partner 

For some of us, having one of our senses removed can greatly heighten our other senses. Ask your partner if you can blindfold them while you go down on them so they can sink into the sensations. Likewise, you can try restraints like padded handcuffs, so they can experience a hands-free oral sex experience. My favorite go-to is bondage tape, it’s inexpensive, can be used for blindfolds, gags and simple restraints and the best part is it doesn’t stick to hair, it only sticks to itself. 


Use your whole face

Whether you’re muff diving vulvas or giving blowjobs - using different parts of your face can add variety in texture and pressure for your receiver. Think about using your chin, your cheeks, your nose - nuzzle parts of your face into their crotch and create tease between the more intense genital hot spots and some of the underserviced areas. Other parts of your face can give your tongue and lips a break, it can also give you ability for pressure and power than other parts of your mouth and it can provide a great visual for your receiver to see you get right into their juicy, yummy genitals.



Bring in a toy

Giving oral sex in partnership with a sex toy can be a game changer for lots of people and help reduce your mouth getting tired before your partner does. Using your mouth, hands and a sex toy (don’t forget lube!) can be a great way to explore other ways to stimulate your partner. Try a cock ring, prostate toy or a vibrator while or in-between going down. 


Are you the lucky oral sex receiver?

For all you lovely oral sex receivers out there here are some tips to be a sexy receiver to your giver:

  • Encourage and affirm your partners. Offer them compliments that express how your body is feeling and tell them what exactly it is that you like that they are doing. 

  • If you have any body shame or performance anxiety - let them know, take the pressure off yourself to smell or feel a certain way or to have orgasm from oral sex. Make the goal pleasure-focused. 

  • Give non-verbal communication. Touch their hands, grind your body gently against them, moan, breathe them in, and spread excitedly if you want more.


While you’re getting sexy for Valentine’s Day 2020, remember that your gift of hot oral sex doesn’t have to feel like what you’ve seen in porn. Spicing things up while you’re going down on your partner shifts your communication, confidence and creativity. Take the pressure off of performance. Show your partner how much you’re enjoying giving them pleasure, how good they taste, smell and feel. The sexiest thing you can bring to your oral sex game is enthusiasm!